Monday, January 2, 2017

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Thought dump

It has been almost exactly a year since I bothered posting. Lots on my mind today.  Just thought I would leave these here for now and maybe revisit them later.

I have lots to be thankful for. 

Great family.  Both chosen and by birth.  And, lots of them.

I work for a great place.  Not only is it historically significant and currently relevant, it is also a place that treats employees like human beings. I appreciate the policies in place which allowed me so much time this week to be with my family and the folks who work there with the flexibility and humanity to take up the slack in my absence.  There was absolutely no hint of an issue with me being gone though I know folks had to step up and pull a little extra weight here and there.

I met a few folks my dad was friends with.  Other folks cherished him as much as we did because he was so kind and caring about people and his community.  I am heartened by his example and the reminder to keep on doing these same things.

The sun came up today.  It is hidden by clouds but I still know it is there.  This past week has been intense and inwardly focused.  I don't know how other folks feel but it is always a comfort to me when I come up for air that the world is still turning and life is still going on.  Things can get real personal when dealing with tragedy and reminders that it is not all about me help me to take the next step and get back in the flow of life.

If I could say that I have a central philosophy I would say that "Live, Love, Learn and Laugh" does a reasonable job of summing it up.  Laughing is my favorite and I even managed to do some of that this week.  In moving on from my dad's death, I want to both look forward but also mine the rich emotions and thoughts that I have been experiencing this week.  How do I keep those things relevant while I also facing tomorrow.  I desperately want this to be a transformative experience and I think the best way to do that is to keep the feelings close.  I want to learn all I can from this. I want to experience the full range of feelings available.  I don't know exactly what this means, and I might never, but right now, the most important thing to me is to honor my dad by challenging myself to improve though I am not sure what that even means. 

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Sick again

I despise being sick.  Too much being in bed and feeling like shit.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Another round of weight foolishness

We are doing a weight loss challenge at work.  I was on the committee and it got way out of hand real quick and became something that people would win actual money for losing the most weight.  We had to pay to be involved and I agreed to pay because we used part of the money to buy scales for three different places.

So, I weighed at home this morning (216 sans clothes) and at 220.2 here at work for my official weight.  I have disqualified myself from winning because I am collecting the data and building the spreadsheet to tally everything.  I don't have much integrity and I would hate to have the little I actually have to be challenged over a few bucks.  Now, sex, drugs or rock and roll would be no problem because I have no integrity when it comes to those things.

Having now tracked mine since early 2011, I find the whole thing with making your weight a secret a bit absurd.  I mean, I know some people are very private and I respect that.  But, if you can see, you can make a reasonable guess as to what someone weighs.  More importantly, knowing it exactly in no way changes the way a person looks.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014


Keep it simple
Be kind

Friday, December 13, 2013


I have decided that I work to live and I no longer have any desire to live to work.  I am happy that my work is something I enjoy and does not (at least directly) contribute to the decline of the world, but I don't have a need to do it.  I work so I can do other things.

I feel better now.

Friday, November 15, 2013

November? Seriously?

According to my usual timeliness measure, it is about time to post again.  Not much has changed with my weight. At least not for the good.  Still mostly bouncing back and forth between 210 and 215 with occasional bounces higher.

In other news, my prized bike, my Soma Double Cross broke yesterday. The right rear dropout broke right where it enters the chainstay. Sigh.  I don't know whether I want to fix it or not.  Part of me says yes it is worth it.  Part of me wonders if I could trust it.  Logically, I know I should, but I can allow my non-logical side some say in this I suppose.