Sunday, February 8, 2015

Thought dump

It has been almost exactly a year since I bothered posting. Lots on my mind today.  Just thought I would leave these here for now and maybe revisit them later.

I have lots to be thankful for. 

Great family.  Both chosen and by birth.  And, lots of them.

I work for a great place.  Not only is it historically significant and currently relevant, it is also a place that treats employees like human beings. I appreciate the policies in place which allowed me so much time this week to be with my family and the folks who work there with the flexibility and humanity to take up the slack in my absence.  There was absolutely no hint of an issue with me being gone though I know folks had to step up and pull a little extra weight here and there.

I met a few folks my dad was friends with.  Other folks cherished him as much as we did because he was so kind and caring about people and his community.  I am heartened by his example and the reminder to keep on doing these same things.

The sun came up today.  It is hidden by clouds but I still know it is there.  This past week has been intense and inwardly focused.  I don't know how other folks feel but it is always a comfort to me when I come up for air that the world is still turning and life is still going on.  Things can get real personal when dealing with tragedy and reminders that it is not all about me help me to take the next step and get back in the flow of life.

If I could say that I have a central philosophy I would say that "Live, Love, Learn and Laugh" does a reasonable job of summing it up.  Laughing is my favorite and I even managed to do some of that this week.  In moving on from my dad's death, I want to both look forward but also mine the rich emotions and thoughts that I have been experiencing this week.  How do I keep those things relevant while I also facing tomorrow.  I desperately want this to be a transformative experience and I think the best way to do that is to keep the feelings close.  I want to learn all I can from this. I want to experience the full range of feelings available.  I don't know exactly what this means, and I might never, but right now, the most important thing to me is to honor my dad by challenging myself to improve though I am not sure what that even means.